I often feel as though there’s far more to say than I usually do, there’s so much inside I never let out, so much bottled up. Many times I’ve sat down to write, fueled by pure emotion, yet, as soon as I try to put all my thoughts into words, I lose all concentration.
The problem is that i feel like I’m losing touch with myself and that, at times, it doesn’t feel as though I’m being reborn or growing up or whatever the hell you want to call it, but I feel as though something is missing, that an integral part of who I am is slowly slipping away. But the painful part is that I have no idea what that part of me is. And I have no idea why I start to feel this way.
It’s not that I’m feeling insecure about myself and it’s not that I’m depressed. Believe me, I have more confidence in my abilities as a person than one man ever should in a life time. In fact it’s a whole collection of indescribable mindsets. A bunch of thoughts, maybe even memories, in the back of my mind that I can’t seem to succesfully grasp. A state of mind that screams to me “This isn’t you. You’ve yet to discover your true self”.
At times I feel as though my Brain has been scrambled. I can’t think clearly, I can’t even concentrate. Sometimes I struggle to stand, I’m that overwhelmed. The strange thing is, I’m perfectly happy with my life. I mean, sure things could have obviously been better, but in comparison to a large percentage of people, I’ve got it pretty good. I’ve got most of the things I want, I’m even doing the things I apsired to do years ago. I can’t help but think that all this confusion, all this angst is my body’s way of trying to tell me something because despite all my confidence, behind every one of my smiles and all of my laughter, I’ve never felt so unsure in my entire life.
I can’t help but feel as though something big is going to happen soon, something is going to change. And, as crazy as it sounds, I don’t think it’s something that’s going to affect just me. Could my 6th Sense be preparing me for something? Maybe it’s time to show more concern for what goes on around me. Time to take note.
